Why is it when someone who doesn’t have a weight problem sees you they have to tell you that a diet will help or they automatically say “Well, put your fork down”. Its like they are pointing out a bugger in your nose or spinach in your teeth. They look at you with that look of “I’m your friend and I just saved you embarrassment”. Well I know that they are not my friends. They don’t care if I die due to diabetes, sleep apnea or heart disease. They are just being ugly for the sake of being ugly. I am sick and tired of smug people acting as if I am less than human and I must also not have feelings since I am just a slug to them. So I take the other route. I will be the first to make the “fat” comment. I will say it loud so nobody can mistake the fact that I am acutely aware of my size… So now they look at me as if I have offended them and I should just keep my mouth shut. I personally would rather say it than hear it. And if it makes somebody uncomfortable then I know that I have pre-empted their strike.

This has inspired a poem. I'll warn you now I am no writer but sometimes the erge hits me:

This Mask

The mask I wear is not obvious to the average human
Only someone with the same mask will recognize
This mask is not who I am but how I feel
Sometimes I can’t even believe it is real

The mask is dedicated to my broken heart
False Protection generated a scared mind
How will I be hurt when no one wants to see who I am?

But does it really protect when you look at me in disgust?
When you say things that stab my soulWho are you anyway?
You don’t even know me! How could you? You won’t even try!

Passing judgment on me with no account to who I am
Would you say these things if the mask were off?
Could you be so cruel to someone who fits in?
No, you wouldn’t would you because your heart is black.

My hole is dug deep down into the ground
As it becomes deeper my mask is taking over.
One day to claim the very life I am trying to protect.
I am unable to become free.
Why won’t anyone help me?
What good is the mask to me now?

I long to rid myself of this burden, to see and be seen again with desire.
The day will come I can feel once more

With or without approval I will be me again!