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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Long Time No Blog

It sure has been a long time since I've blogged anything. Life has been very busy this month. My friends kids were visiting from Scotland, Angel has up'ed a belt in Tae Kwon Do, the list goes on and on....

I am still holding between 180 and 185 I'd like for this plateaux to go away now... I am happily comfortable in a size 12. I'd love to claim my spot in the "Century Club" however I dont want to do that until my plateaux is lower than 183. So with my eyes closed and my breath heald I step on the scale slowly peaking with one eye then the next and sigh... as I am bouncing around between 95 and 100 lbs GONE FOREVER... Frustrating as it seems to be I never forget that even if I am stalled I am still stalled almost 100lbs from where I started. Besides... Maybe this will give my poor skin a chance to catch up :) (you know something about lemons and lemonaid)

On the Food-ern front I am am still battling the food demons on a daily basis. I figure this will be a life long process and I have good days and bad days... I really do wish I had issues with food. I can eat bigger portions I guess in the size of a small sandwich. I am still in awe of the size of the food and am very happy about that. Grazing as been a bit of an issue the last week or so. I am getting back on track.

Anywho, Have a great day!

Posted by The Catapillar :: 5:26 AM :: 13 Comments:

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Sunday, July 02, 2006


Just in case you were interested and you do not have NASA TV on your cable network... You can go here to watch Discovery Launch. Please pray for the Astronauts and thier families that there is a safe, successful flight. This picture listed is of last years Discovery Mission.

STS-121 crew members:

Pilot Mark E. Kelly
Commander Steven W. Lindsey
Mission Specialists:
Piers J. Sellers
Michael E. Fossum
Lisa Nowak
Stephanie Wilson

Go Discovery!

Posted by The Catapillar :: 9:20 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

I am so upset

I had my son at a very young age. I was only 19 when I had him and his father was 18. Both of us too young to take on such a huge responsibility

I have been charged with the monumental task of raising a son. Apparently I am to do this on my own, either for me or for him. This job is the most important job that anyone can be given. I have accepted this task and hope that I do as God needs me to do with him. Heaven knows, it can be difficult. Now during this time, life is not about ME its about ANGEL. It’s my job to ensure that he becomes a good man, husband, and father. I take my job very seriously. With Angel it’s pretty easy; he is a great kid and has a fantastic heart. I just need to keep him focused.

In the 13 years that Angel has been mine his father has been mostly absentee. There has always been a standing offer to him to be apart of Angels life and I have always honored his requests to see his son. This has not been due to any need that I have had because if it were up to me I could care less if I ever spoke to him again. But my son needs his father… therefore; I try and make sure that his father is always given the right to see him. We moved to California, Angel wanted to make sure his dad knew were we were so I hunted him down. Finding him living only 5 minutes away from us for more that three years and no contact from him what so ever. My father has worked in the same place for 20 years! No contact there either. There has been no court order! I don’t have to allow visitation! I have not insisted on child support!

When I was contacted after a 3 year absence by him I said it’s about time. I let him go to another friggen state to visit. Not only was that it for 6 full weeks! Then the next summer and then spring break. There is no court order for me to allow visitation and I have never pressed the issue of child support. Money has never been a requirement to his visits.

I have watched my young son cry himself to sleep because he thought his father hated him. I would always tell him that his dad loved him but sometimes it took a little time for people to realize their responsibilities. I would tell him stories of when he was an infant and his dad would take care of him and play with him. I created a photo album of pics of his father and family and himself. I have told him stories of when his dad and I were first dating. Later I watched my son wonder what he did wrong to make his dad go away. Recently I have seen the next phase. Now he is getting pissed.

His father has a new family now. I know his new wife and she is awesome. I think she is the reason that Angels dad has made contact. She has made Angel feel welcomed in her home and from the conversations I have had with her has put my mind at ease that she does care for him. For that I am eternally grateful! They were recently blessed with a child of their own. I am happy for them. But since the new baby has been born (back in may) Today was the first day “dad” has called. My son has been pretty upset about it. So upset in fact that he opted out of calling him on father’s day. And to top it off when Angel went for spring break they took a family trip to Vegas and after having a drink (or two maybe) He actually told my son he was tired of me asking for money. Yea I’ve asked but who the hell says to their child “I’m tired of someone asking me to take care of you.”

Today he actually said to me that my son needs to call him… WHAT! I don’t think so. The person needing to make an effort is the grown up not the child. I wish I had said - grow the F--- Up and take care of your responsibilities. You are the man and my son does not need to prove anything to you. For years he has loved you even though you weren’t there. He has regarded the times he has had with him highly. Now is the most important time for the child to have his father. And you need to take this seriously and realize that you need to fix what you have broken and it takes more then phone calls and plane tickets. It takes thinking about your children and how they feel, and realizing that they rely on us as the grown ups! Not the other way around! It takes being a MAN!

I want nothing more than for my son to have a good healthy relationship with his father. I have tried for 13 years. I am out of it now. Angel is old enough now to make up his own mind. I am going to support my child’s stance on this. What ever he decides…

I could go on and on but there is not enough space on the internet for everything that I could say.

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:28 PM :: 5 Comments:

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Friday, June 30, 2006

Texas RV Travel: USAer Blog

Its that time again.... Time to visit my new tenant. It's always so hard to choose just one from the line up of great blogs. Cybercelt over at Texas RV Travel: USAer Blog has a fantastic blog detailing all the wonderful things to do in my native state. So Go on over and check it out. See what Texas has to offer. I know we are going to go to those caverns this summer...

Posted by The Catapillar :: 9:45 PM :: 0 Comments:

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My Blog-Lords

Well I have been blessed to grace the coveted "Renter" spot on a couple of blogs. Both of which I am excited to have been accepted on. Give'em a click and say hello :)

Having a family full of Navy Men and many friends currently serving or having completed thier tours in all branches of the service, I am adament about supporting our troups. They sacrifice so much to serve. Stop on by and let this dedicated service man know we appreciate his service

Beth over at Ramblings of an undisturbed mind is hilarious. I have received many hours of entertainment reading her blog. It would be a shame not to enjoy it.

Dont forget to tell 'em who sent 'cha :)

Posted by The Catapillar :: 9:40 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

June Pics are In

You know when I look back at my before pics and compare them to the current ones I look at me before and its hard to believe that was me. In addition to lbs and lots of them, I have lost quite a bit more.....
  1. Aching back
  2. Sciatica
  3. Easily winded
  4. Painful Knees and Ankles
  5. Self loathing
  6. Sleep Apnea
  7. Shame
  8. Depression
  9. Self Pity
  10. Lots of Cloths :)
Things I have found along the way:
  1. My feet
  2. My face
  3. Desire
  4. Self Esteem
  5. Self Worth
  6. My Breath
  7. My Voice
  8. Joy of Shopping
  9. Life outside the house
  10. HOPE
I have to say that WLS has been the second best decision I have ever made. And if anyone asks... I would do it again in a heartbeat!

Go by Shrinking Beauty to see the 6month pics

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:17 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Unrequited Love

Well, I told you about the crush I had on that wonderful guy right…. Well, it is obviously not reciprocated as he has started dating this girl and apparently she is pretty cool. I guess I will just have to shuck this off as Unrequited Love…

One day, when God see’s fit, I’ll find him and he’ll find me.

Posted by The Catapillar :: 9:47 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

SEE Food Diet

Good Googly Moogly!

Yesterday was one of the worst food days I have had since surgery... I was on the SEE food diet... If I saw it I ate it.... YIKES!!!

I ate half a chicken breast, 1/4 hamburger steak w/gravy and mushrooms, three lahvash pinwheels (which equals half a sandwich with wrap instead of bread), 1 deli turkey wrap (made at home with small tortillas), 4 sugar free cookies and about 8 french fries.... All of which was about 2 hours apart....

I have heard conflicting stories about how we are supposed to eat post op... One is small meals multiple times a day and the other is only 3 meals a day forgoing snacking... I guess I should decide what is best for my body in particular and prior to surgery the 3 meals +1 snack is usually what worked best for me... I have tried the other and gained weight (even with making good food choices).

All I know is I didn't like yesterday at all... today however it took 4 hours before I even got hungry enouph to eat breakfast.... Well, good days and bad days are bound to happen.... I just don't want to fall back into the horrible habits that I had prior to surgery...

Posted by The Catapillar :: 9:37 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Welcome Home Gi Gotti

Although we may not all agree with the war in Iraq right now we still have thousands of dedicated men and women who have sacrificed alot to serve and protect our country. One such gentelman over at Across the Pond has just returned home from an extended stay in Iraq.

It would be awesome if we could all go Across the Pond and welcome him home. Lets show him some love :)

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:04 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Speaking of Funny Words

Jerry has a word game called Twist My Words Thursday Stop on by and give it a shot... Its lots of fun

Posted by The Catapillar :: 4:11 AM :: 0 Comments:

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The Funniest Word

Have you ever run across a word that is just plain fun to say? My son and I were joking around and I called him a Nincompoop. Of course I was just kidding! He asked me what it ment and I said Look it up! It was then that we found the mother of all fun words!


Its funny when you say it, its funny when you hear it... Its just plain funny.

Nincompoop means a silly, foolish or stupid person (from dictionary.com).

I dont remember right now why the definition of this word was not directly in the dictionary but based on the roots definition I will assume (not to make an ass out of you and me) that nincompoopery is the act doing something silly, foolish or stupid. Or its silly, foolish or stupid behavior.

I’ll use it in a sentence: “I’ll have none of your nincompoopery

What is your favorite funny word?

Posted by The Catapillar :: 2:33 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Monday, June 19, 2006

Daddy's Girl

I have taken pride in the fact that I have always been and remain the poster child for "Daddy's Girl" My father is a wonderful man who has always put his children first. I'd like to tell you a little about him....

One night the decision was made... a family would no longer be a single unit. There would be two households sharing one child. That child, a wee lass just the age of 5, was me. My Mother knew that she would not be able to provide for me as she needed to at that time so she decided to leave me with my father (issues from that we can talk about later). My father, being the incredible man he was, without hesitation accepted and so it began. My father was now a single parent of a small daughter. Over the course of the next 15 years he sacrificed in every aspect of his life. He was passed up for promotions at work, he did not spend time with women, he dedicated his life to making sure I was ok.

My father had always wanted a family. One day he met a woman and they fell in love. I was 11 by this time. Together they had three beautiful children (all boys). Unfortunately, my step mother decided that my father needed to pick the life he had with her or his first born. At this point he made a decision... one that profoundly affected 6 people not just him. He chose me! Not that he didnt love his new family but he being bound by the bonds of fatherhood would not abandon me (like so many before him). I was 16 at the time...

Since then he has worked his fingers to the bone to provide for me and my brothers. Never complained and never married or even dated again.

My father sacrificed his desires to ensure that I had a foundation.

I have always been very close to him and even today he sacrifices himself for the good of his children and grand children.

I only wish that I could do the things I'd love to do for him. He has and always will remain an inspiration to me... I am a better woman, mother, friend because my father never left me. So to you Daddy I say with all of my heart


You are the best in the entire world!

(artwork created at Art.com)

Posted by The Catapillar :: 2:40 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Sunday, June 18, 2006

My Life In Italy

Please take a moment to welcome my new renter. She is an American living in Italy (Which is What I want to do) I will be reading her blog as she describes how it really is. Take a moment to find out and see the beautiful pictures she posts of the places she goes.

Posted by The Catapillar :: 7:58 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

One Day At A Time

It seems this week is testing me pretty hard. I am diving head first into a battle of wills with my omipresent Food Demon and this time he brought the snack bug with him. I have been fortunate in that I have not experienced Dumping Syndrome to date. In the past I have been good about not eating the wrong things but now its hard. I have (unfortunatly) found that sugar does not hurt... this is in some ways disappointing to me because I was hoping for it to cause problems. That way it would be easier to say no. It would come from fear of being ill in lue of having to come from my waning will power. But I will Succeed in this particular battle and ultimately I know I will win the war its just so hard when these old enemys creep back up after having been gone for a long time. Funny thing is as just about the time the Food Demon reared his ugly head the Mr. Nicotine followed suit.... I am still a non smoker but I sure did have a very difficult battle the other day. All I can say is I am still taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:28 PM :: 3 Comments:

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New Look

What do you think of the new template?

Posted by The Catapillar :: 2:52 AM :: 1 Comments:

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A new crush

I am in total crush mode right now. There is this man who works here in my building. We are kind of co-workers in that both of the groups we work in work pretty closely together yet we don’t work together. I know it makes no since but… First of all he is very nice, good looking, Italian, hard working, dedicated father, and much more. We have a great rapport when we are together. And the amount of things we have in common borders on scary…

We shared a hug a few weeks ago it was our second. We lingered there for a moment and when I walked away I could feel his heat still against my body. It was so intence I put my hand on the sensation just to keep it. The hug took my breath away. Even in thinking about it now I can feel him against me. Also, Just two nights ago he was teaching me about digital photography and working my video camera and when we went outside to enjoy the full moon and taking pictures with different settings he was standing behind me. I could feel his breath on my ear and I have to say this sent my pet tummy butterflies soaring. I wanted to lean into him. Restraint has become a big word in my vocabulary lately.

Now I could just be wishful but I often feel like he may also feel the same way. Our eyes have met on a number of occasions resulting in a smile. We have both done the “casual” touch on the arm or leg when sitting next to each other.

We have so much in common (He even said so with a smile) here are some of the major outstanding things I have noticed

Music: Our radio stations are programmed almost identically we have KSBJ (Christian radio on #1) and many more similarities. We both bought an MP3 stereo for the car that has a remote (just a bonus we don’t use them). I searched for months finding the artist who performs “Freaks of the Industry” and the CD. In a casual conversation he mentioned that he loved that song but didn’t know who sang it. I burned him a copy of the CD. :)

Interests: we share quite a bit of common interests especially when it comes to the kiddo’s… I just know we would have lots of fun :)

Sex: yes, we have had conversations about sex and some of the things we have done in the past and without getting into too much detail let me just say that we both enjoy quite a bit of the same activities… I’ll leave it at that :)

I so wish I could read his mind… at least the part about whether or not he is interested in at least getting to know me. That way I wouldn’t have to live in uncertainty. I just want the chance to get to know him better outside of the office as we are quite limited here. So I am patiently waiting for him to ask me out.

Do you think I'm Crazy?

Posted by The Catapillar :: 12:30 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

May Pics

Hop on Over to Shrinking Beauty for the May Pics

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:30 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Long Time No Read

Well, Its been a very long time since I've blogged about my WLS progress or anything really pertaining to it hasnt it? I have hit a couple of plateaus and its pretty disappointing to me. I am (I think) avoiding posting about these mostly because in a small way this blog holds me accountable and if I don’t tell my online blogger friends that I am not following all the rules like I was so planning on then I don’t really have to answer for it. I know… I know… that’s crazy! So here is a brief update and a promise…

I am currently at 188 according to my scale that puts me at a total loss of 95 lbs. This is absolutely FANTASTIC and I am truly excited about it. I know this does not look like a plateau but I stayed at 200 even for weeks and this last 12 lbs just started falling off when I got back to the gym. I not only have lost 95 lbs (5 more to the century mark) I have dropped from a size 24/26 to a 12/14 (mostly 14) pants and a 16/18 shirt. I thank God every day for this life saving surgery and I pray I won’t mess it up.

I read an article in people magazine about Carnie Wilson… The most famous Gastric Bypass Patient on earth it seams and she at least let me know that the things I have been going through are normal (not an excuse just reassurement) She will be on VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club Reality show. She dropped the 70 lbs she gained during her pregnancy. Anywho back to the subject that I am so avoiding…


I have been working out. In most cases three times a week for at least 6 weeks. I do yoga on Thursdays, cardio on Tuesdays and Saturdays and resistance training on Tuesdays. I just went to my first hi/lo class and I am in pain but I made it all the way through with only a couple of stops along the way (before I wouldn’t have made it 5 minutes) so this portion of my lifestyle change is beginning and getting stronger. I can actually feel myself wanting to go to the gym even on the days that my son doesn’t have Tae Kwon Do. That’s amazing because I have always in the past avoided the gym at all costs. I look forward to moving into the state my Soul Sister is at… she is very dedicated to working out and this works to inspire me to do the same…

I know that I have been given a wonderful tool, not a magic potion or a miracle cure (although miracle seems quite fitting) and it is up to me to change my habits and I am making slow progress in doing that. I have abstained from all sugar (until most recently) and still go sugar free the majority of the time. I eat lots of protein or at least I try. But it seems the “snack bug” has crept up on me once again. I snack better but I am still snacking. Stuff like cheese, crackers, raisins, fruit, veggies, etc… I will occasionally have chips and salsa (at the Mexican restaurant) but I don’t buy these things for my house. The “Head Hunger” has slapped me in the face again and I guess its going to be hard to fight it.

Posted by The Catapillar :: 10:07 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Sunday, May 28, 2006

Happy Memorial Day

Today is the day that we gather with our families to eat, drink, play… But why do we do this? Memorial Day is more then just an excuse to gather around the grill. We can never forget why we are able to celebrate family…. The fallen soldiers… those brave men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Tell it like it is

These are just a few of the things that I take for grated every day. Things that without the dedication and sacrifice of the many men and women who served in our nations military. People who decided that their purpose in life was to protect their families and the country they love.

I give thanks for these courageous men and women often and today is the day in which we should all take a moment to embrace our veterans and pray for the current enlisted men and women and give thanks to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country!


Memorial Day

Posted by The Catapillar :: 11:06 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Delightful Chicken Salad

I was recently making lunch for myself and a co worker and I created the following Chicken Salad... It was delight ful!

2 boneless Skinless Chicken Breast (Boiled and cubed)
2 stalks celery (deveined)
2 green onions (chopped)
1/2 medium apple (finely chopped)
2 tbl slivered almonds
4 tbl light mayo
1 bag spring mix greens
Salt & Pepper to taste

Combine all ingrediants except spring mix until evenly blended. Serve on a bed of spring mix.

This is a great recipe for a sunday afternoon pic-nic in the park.

Posted by The Catapillar :: 10:40 PM :: 1 Comments:

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